I recall the epic battle between my eyeballs, the lenses and my finger, forcing the lenses past my blinking lids and finally into my eye… and then accidentally blinking them out. As I sit here and think, I smile as I recall the feelings of frustration in what seemed to be a hopeless situation.
But, mostly I remember my reaction to my surroundings after the battle was over. I remember the utter amazement of the definitions of the hills and the orchards, the clarity of the clouds, and the sharp-ness of the grass; I could actually see the individual blades of grass!
This evening, I planted myself in a chair in front of three large windows overlooking my city. And for some reason or another, (perhaps it was the way the light was hitting the Valley, or simply because the window directly in front of me is just plain huge…) I looked up and was overwhelmed.
At that moment, I was keenly aware of the picture in front of me. I could see every hill, tree, cloud, building and blade of grass clearly. And in that moment, God spoke.
What we see, is often our reality. What I am surrounded by, what I watch, what I read, and what I see often dictates how I think, what I do, how I react, how I view God and how I see what He’s created.
God longs for me to see Him. He yearns for me to search Him out and to know Him intimately. He aches for me, His creation, His beloved, to know Him and to be known by Him. He cries out for me to run into His arms and to give up everything. He wants to be in relationship with me, and He knows I won’t be satisfied until I am. How does He know this? He created me to do just that, and He knows that until I run to Him and give up everything, I am nothing but a little girl running around empty and blind.
Many times (ok… let’s be honest… most of the time) I choose to do it my way. I choose to let my insecurities, my fears and my emotions dictate how I treat others, how I treat my self, how I invest in my future, and how I worship my God. In reality, I am choosing to worship myself. I am valuing myself and my comfort over my God.
Although this may work for awhile, in the long run it’ll destroy me. I need to be constantly asking God to replace my blind eyes with eyes of clarity. I want to be able to see things clearly, through the eyes of my Perfect Creator, instead of through the distortion of sin and failure. If I settle for just the gist of what God has for me, I miss out on the beauty and extravagance that lies in the details.
I need a paradigm shift. I desperately need God to stop me in my tracks and replace my lenses with His. How am I supposed to be His reflection if I can’t even see Him clearly and correctly? Until then, my view of who He is, and who I am created to be is distorted.
I’m a work in progress. My hope is my vision’s getting clearer.