{Repost} In Defense of a Soulmate – This Road is Meant for Two

This is a {repost} from a blog entitled hello my old heart.  I thought Rachel did a great job expressing what it’s like to live as a non christian single in our world today and thought I might share it with you, my trusty followers… Thanks Rachel for sharing your worldview!

Our culture has an obsession with soulmates. Whether you believe in them or not they are incredibly polarizing. There seem to be an abundance of posts and articles written from one side or the other. Singles or Marrieds. Pros and Cons. I’m not going to list several of the ones I’ve read but I am going to contribute to this conversation in a different way.

I gave up on the idea of a Disney Prince soulmate a long time ago. And I’m truly fine with it. I don’t believe another human being has the responsibility or the ability to fulfill me. I don’t expect a man to come riding in on a white horse to rescue me. I have no unrealistic expectations of the sacrifice and time and tears that go into making a marriage work. What else would you expect when two incredibly broken people attempt to lay down their lives for each other?

But here’s where I think we’ve made these lines a little too harsh.

Desiring a spouse isn’t wrong. Praying for a man or woman to be in your life and be the person you share your moments with is not living in a fairy tale. Hoping to meet someone special who makes you laugh and challenges you and points you towards the heart of Christ is not holding an unmeetable standard for another human. And to be honest I’m a little tired of the shaming that happens with all of these “my husband isn’t my soulmate” articles.

Because while I don’t believe there is one specific person created to complete me, I do believe there are people out there who have a great match of strengths for my weaknesses and vice versa. For example, I know I am not very good at staying organized, remembering when to pay bills, and meal planning. So someone who does these things well will complement my lack. But where I am strong is remembering names and faces, birthdays and conversations, and inviting people into a story. I love to love. But I’m also terrible at confrontation so I need someone in my life to help me learn that in a healthy way.

We were created to represent different aspects of God the Father. We do this in community, friendships, family, and relationships. So I’m just going to go ahead and say it – it’s okay to seek someone who is strong where you are weak and who makes you better for the Kingdom with them than apart from them.

Is this in someway completion? Sure. Is it an expectation that I’m somehow made whole? Not at all. I don’t want to bring half a person into a relationship. I want to bring an entire person into a relationship.

Here’s the thing – the older I get and the longer I stay single, the less starry-eyed I am walking into a relationship. I’m more secure in who I am and the things I desire in a spouse. I know who I am and where to find my identity. I’m not looking for completion. I’m looking for a partner. A companion.

Maybe we haven’t communicated this very clearly. I’m sorry if we (as single people) have failed to use the right words to describe our desire to be married and our longing. A longing not for a soulmate but for someone who does life with you. Who you know is always in your corner, who will be at weddings and funerals, who will disappoint you but also surprise you in the most unexpected ways. Someone you share small insignificant moments with. Sunrises and sunsets. Spilled milk and leaky faucets. Midnight diaper changes and burnt toast. The person you get to look over at, smile, and deeply know there is someone to help shoulder the load of this journey.

Unfortunately, this longing for a companion often gets mistaken as a quest for someone to make all of our dreams come true. Our lives are meant to be lived with another. Unless you’ve walked it, you don’t know what it is like to come home to an empty house after an awful week and be alone. To walk through death and loss and financial hardship and unfulfilled longings and big decisions and crappy weeks by yourself.

So to long for that companion and to wrestle with the ache and to desire a spouse, I would argue, actually turns our hearts more into Papa’s intention for us.

And that, my friends, is why I believe soulmates exist.

steady is the hand that’s come to terms
with the lessons it has had to learn
I’ve seen the things that I must do
but Lord, this road is meant for two
so I am waiting here for you 

Original post can be found at hello my old heart

Advertisements

Praying and Serving

Often, the answer to our prayer does not come while we are on our knees, but while we’re on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us. -Dieter R. Uchtdorf

#selfieevangelism

Sel-fie- a picture taken of one’s self, by one’s self.

E-van-ge-lism- the preaching of the gospel

#selfieevangelism- a picture of one’s self, taken by one’s self with a bible verse scribed on the picture’s base

Let’s face it. We’re living in the era of the selfie. Lately, I’ve seen a new twist on the photography sensation, one I’m dubbing as #selfieevangelism.

Okay, so I’ve never really heard anyone other than myself use this phrase. But seriously, we’ve all seen those posts, right? We all have friends who post these kinds of pictures onto our News, Twitter, and Insta feeds (or maybe you are one of my friends who posts these to my feeds…). Maybe you’re like me. Maybe this drives you crazy.

Why? Why do I even care? Maybe it’s because I tend to think that social media can easily create “me monsters” out of us. Or maybe it’s because I think selfies can be a symptom of this. The pairing of this “me monster” idea and the message of Jesus bothers me. In my mind, they clash.

Maybe they bother me because they paint for me a pretty accurate picture of myself. I am a “me monster.” I have an awful habit of putting myself first. I naturally gravitate towards lifting myself up, I love to be glorified, to be recognized. I am the picture of a selfie. I point others oftentimes toward myself, trying to cover up my actions with a bible verse slapped on the bottom of my self glorified portrait, hoping to point others towards Christ; hoping to justify my thoughts, actions and pride. Gross. Why do I do that?

But, Jesus’ message of grace and love transcends my self-centeredness. His words are spoken and heard regardless of how many times I screw up. He continually extends to me His grace, gently drawing me back to him, regardless of my thoughts, actions or pride. He reminds me to take my eyes off myself, to die to the “me monster” and pick up my cross and follow Him.

I recently heard someone say we ultimately trade our lives in for something. We get to choose what that is. No one can truly say their life belongs to themselves. We are all slaves to something. We all allow something or someone to master us. What will it be? What are you in pursuit of? Will you choose vanity or Jesus?

“Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. ”

– Proverbs 31:30

I don’t know about you, but I want to be a woman who truly fears the Lord. I don’t want to be so wrapped up in my own emotions, fears, and vanity that I need to seek the approval of man. Jesus already loves me. He’s already chosen me.

We are all insecure. We all forget who we are and in whose image we were made in. May we remember our value in Jesus and learn to accurately reflect that to those around us.

I’m alive… and resurfacing…

FYI:   I’m still alive, well and pondering life, love and the pursuit of Jesus.  Posts are in the works, and thoughts are being mulled over.

And if you must know, I’m embarrassed about how long it’s been since I’ve blogged.

It’s been over a month and half since my last post. The end of college happened, life got crazy and I was writing my brains out.  I graduated with honors and then simply quit writing. I felt burnt out.

Sorry y’all.

Thanks for being patient and for reading my thoughts.  I’ll be back in full force soon.